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Shock.

 

If anyone’s been following my blog, you’ll all know that I’m single & in the recovering phase from my last break up.

Basically, this article is about the ‘shock’ I received at 2AM in the morning & I actually don’t know whether that shock makes me stronger or pulls me more into depression.

This break up had already caused a lot of emotional damage but writing, talking to my friends and praying about it helped me a lot in coping up. If you read “Them Feels” and “Waiting” you’ll understand a lot more about my ex.
He chose not to respond or talk to me after he had dumped me & hung me on a thin thread or rather he threw me off a cliff. I was confused and depressed for a long time & here and there the little things around me struggled to keep me sane.

While talking to his best-friend last night, he suddenly mentioned my ex’s girlfriend. My mind was at a whirlpool that second. Girlfriend? What? Where? How? What did I miss?
And I recall exactly a week back when he mentioned to his best-friend that he missed ME, who in turn mentioned it to me.

So there you have it, he had a girlfriend right after 2 months of breaking up with me.
I think I broke down for the next 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes at 2AM. There were hours wasted on him with my tears previously but last night it was just 5 minutes. The good person I thought he was, vanished from my mind. All my confusion about the situation seemed crystal clear. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t dwell any more on his topic. I instantly knew I had to get a grip and move on. All this while I’d wasted time that waits for none on someone who was already happily ever after dating someone else.

I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve prayed for his good health and happiness or to still think “oh I’m the nice girl who cares”. I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve wasted my time & patience on him. I don’t know.
The almost 5 months spent with him were bliss & now it feels like I’ve got sucked into a black hole after he left. Love is kind, love is happiness but love is pain. That searing pain right through your heart. That is love.

Of course, I reiterate the fact; Never expect anything from anyone, but I still couldn’t give up completely on the part that he wouldn’t come back. I thought he’d message me once.

To be honest, I felt like crap only for those 5 minutes and again when I woke up this morning. I’m at least glad I woke up. The distant picture of his face washed over my mind as I walked myself to the wash room. The thought that he’d found someone else when the last thing he’d told me was he always loved me and he’d call me one day. I felt eerily strange and resumed my daily activities not giving a care.

I survived the shock I received last night. I’m happy I didn’t react how I usually did to such things. I’m happy I woke up fine today. I’m happy to know I still have a few good people who care about me. I’m happy I didn’t lose my temper & I’m still sane. This shock actually gave me a chance to stand up. Today I didn’t bother shedding a tear. I chose to be happy.

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Recovering

It’s been 2 months now that I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the moment my phone will ring with his name or number flashing. I guess that’s why it’s better never to expect anything from anyone, not even yourself.

The major accomplishments I’ve achieved in these days were writing various articles on my blog, reading about a lot of things happening in and around the world, goofing around with friends, University shopping, watching a lot of good and stupid movies and listening to lots & lots of music!

There have been many times he still aimlessly crosses my mind. The thought of how he’s doing back home, what’s he up to and a countless more questions are always left unanswered. The best part of all is I actually forgot how he sounds. Waking up every day to his sleepy voice was my alarm, now it seems so distant since I spared no memory of him around me.

I continue to be close with his best friend. The phase I’m going through may be a vulnerable one but I have control over my emotions to an extent. The fact that the guy I talk to almost all the time roams around with my ex disturbs me a lot but helps me mature and grow over it. It aids in the moving on part in some way. I always thought the patience I hold for my ex to come back and talk to me will one day turn in to hatred soon. Guess that process has started already.

I love being busy doing something or the other. For instance writing or listening to songs. I love reading emotional blogs, the ones about heart breaks or the lack of love. No, I’m not emo. I honestly admire the way other people depict their lives through a social site and words. I started writing just 2 months back to constantly feel better and it really does help.

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It’s honestly easier said than done when everyone gives their advice on moving on. I’m the most laziest and stubborn girl in this planet. I can take up to a year to move on completely. My mind loves dwelling in the past. Yes it isn’t healthy but someday I’ll move forward. I’m mostly a pessimist but sometimes it’s good to be an optimist and think positive. It’s really hard to cope up but after the rain, there’s always the sun.

The good news is that the nothing lasts forever and the bad news is that nothing lasts forever. Deep quote I know, but very true. Nothing does last forever. When you feel like you’re having a rough day like me, put your hand on your heart and feel your heartbeat. It beats for a purpose. You’re breathing for a reason. Therefore, live.

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His Birthday

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To the one person I loved more than anything and I mean anything in this world

 

To the person whose arms I was in always, curled

 

To the person who I gave up everything for, including most of my friends

 

To the person I could go on talking till no end

 

To the person whose happiness meant more than mine

 

To the person who always put me first in line

 

To the person I would cry at night for after a fight

 

To the person who got me out of my darkness and into light

 

To the person who I miss more than a ton

 

To the person who had me waking up for a reason

 

To the person who shared the same dreams with me

 

To the person I could be a 100% free

 

To the person whose face, voice and smile I’ll never forget

 

To the person with whom I’ll never regret

 

To the person I could laugh on stupid jokes with

 

To the person who made my life now a myth

 

To the person who made me believe in forever

 

To the person who screwed us both over

 

To the person whom I wish all the happiness in life

 

To the person who stabbed me in the back with a knife

 

Happy 19th.

 

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Long Distance Relationships

Read this on Facebook and it spoke my mind out beautifully. Also was worth a post here!

Long Distance Relationships aren’t always ideal. In fact, they’re really tough. You spend countless of hours just talking through a phone or through a screen. You can’t see the person when you want to or when you most need them.. You can’t hug, you can’t hold hands, you can’t kiss. You lose the intimacy in a physical sense. But then, your relationship becomes based on each other and nothing else.

You learn to communicate, because a long-distance relationship without communication is nothing.
You learn to trust, because you can’t always see or know everything the person is doing.
You learn to sacrifice, because someone’s always going to lose a bit of sleep from the time difference.
And lastly, you learn to appreciate.

So often, we take for granted the people and relationships in our lives because we think they’ll always be there.
But When you only have a limited amount of time with a person, you learn to appreciate and cherish every single moment you have with them. When you finally see that person after weeks or months of seeing them only through a computer screen, it is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
When you’ve waited for something so long and you finally have it, you cherish it. The key to a long-distance relationship is faith. If both of you are not willing to give up, if both of you are willing to stand up and still try after every time one of you or both of you fall.

Distance isn’t for the fearful, it’s for the bold “.

It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for the little time with the one they love. It’s for knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.

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Him

Sometimes I wish I didn’t think much

 

Sometimes I wish I didn’t think at all

 

Every damn memory, every small feeling

 

The constant picture of his face

 

Pinned to my heart and mind

 

 

 

From getting up to his voice every morning

 

To sleeping to his goodnight

 

Preparing my everyday schedule according to his

 

Complaining about my daily affairs, he’d gently listen

 

Always loved it when I‘d talk more

 

He begged to hear my voice

 

 

 

I’d stop all my activities just for him

 

For us to have some time

 

Distance made it hard

 

But the love was true

 

We could talk about anything

 

His curiosity for me was always adorable

 

 

 

All the late night Skype calls and voice notes

 

We could just start at anything

 

To talking about our friends to the food we ate, football, life and so on

 

Laughing till our stomach’s hurt

 

The crazy nonsensical conversations

 

 

 

The thought of him being far always killed

 

He’d tell me he’s within my heart at all times

 

I’d become a little miserable

 

The amount of doubts in my head

 

But everything was based on trust

 

 

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Trust is a strong word

 

It could be easily crumpled

 

I had faith on him and God but

 

Infidelity could be around the corner

 

That isn’t an easy thought to kill

 

 

 

Honesty was appreciated

 

Rudeness wasn’t

 

The tiny fights we’d have

 

They’d always end before the day

 

We’d be sorry and apologise profusely

 

Realising that we’re better than this

 

 

 

All those promises of never leaving

 

All the agreements we had

 

Everything changed in a night

 

The frustration, the tears, the arguments

 

It was all heated up

 

 

 

The assumptions from the corner of my brain

 

Everything was crawling right back up

 

All that over thinking

 

What I never wanted to be true

 

Might have been the reason for this

 

 

 

He left, he dumped me

 

I never knew why

 

I tried to stop thinking

 

The reason was the maddest

 

But there was an untold truth

 

 

 

A week passed by

 

Things have been good and bad

 

I now look at the future

 

It surely holds something good

 

Something that would make me believe again

 

Something where I’d feel myself again