1

How Long Will I Love You?

These lyrics made some sense, cause I still don’t know how long would I love you. If forever beyond exists, until then, I would.

How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer, if I can.
How long will I need you?
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan.

How long will I be with you?
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash upon the sand.

How long will I want you?
As long as you want me to
And longer by far.
How long will I hold you?
As long as your father told you,
As long as you can.

How long will I give to you?
As long as I live through you
However long you say.

How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer, if I may.

This song has been performed by Ellie Goulding originally. Click below to watch the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an4ySOlsUMY&index=5&list=PLuRHTnrC3G2lRsXoPnPVkFBK8xSl5wq33

Advertisements
1

Monologues #7

Terribly apologise for posting a month late but here goes out another Monologue from my favourite show, Grey’s Anatomy!

Season 6, Episode 24: “Death and all his friends”

 

The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. Love or hate. To be a hero or to be a coward. To fight or to give in. To live. Or die. Live or die. That’s the important choice. And it’s not always in our hands.”

“Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the most important choice. And it’s not always in our hands.

3

Shock.

 

If anyone’s been following my blog, you’ll all know that I’m single & in the recovering phase from my last break up.

Basically, this article is about the ‘shock’ I received at 2AM in the morning & I actually don’t know whether that shock makes me stronger or pulls me more into depression.

This break up had already caused a lot of emotional damage but writing, talking to my friends and praying about it helped me a lot in coping up. If you read “Them Feels” and “Waiting” you’ll understand a lot more about my ex.
He chose not to respond or talk to me after he had dumped me & hung me on a thin thread or rather he threw me off a cliff. I was confused and depressed for a long time & here and there the little things around me struggled to keep me sane.

While talking to his best-friend last night, he suddenly mentioned my ex’s girlfriend. My mind was at a whirlpool that second. Girlfriend? What? Where? How? What did I miss?
And I recall exactly a week back when he mentioned to his best-friend that he missed ME, who in turn mentioned it to me.

So there you have it, he had a girlfriend right after 2 months of breaking up with me.
I think I broke down for the next 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes at 2AM. There were hours wasted on him with my tears previously but last night it was just 5 minutes. The good person I thought he was, vanished from my mind. All my confusion about the situation seemed crystal clear. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t dwell any more on his topic. I instantly knew I had to get a grip and move on. All this while I’d wasted time that waits for none on someone who was already happily ever after dating someone else.

I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve prayed for his good health and happiness or to still think “oh I’m the nice girl who cares”. I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve wasted my time & patience on him. I don’t know.
The almost 5 months spent with him were bliss & now it feels like I’ve got sucked into a black hole after he left. Love is kind, love is happiness but love is pain. That searing pain right through your heart. That is love.

Of course, I reiterate the fact; Never expect anything from anyone, but I still couldn’t give up completely on the part that he wouldn’t come back. I thought he’d message me once.

To be honest, I felt like crap only for those 5 minutes and again when I woke up this morning. I’m at least glad I woke up. The distant picture of his face washed over my mind as I walked myself to the wash room. The thought that he’d found someone else when the last thing he’d told me was he always loved me and he’d call me one day. I felt eerily strange and resumed my daily activities not giving a care.

I survived the shock I received last night. I’m happy I didn’t react how I usually did to such things. I’m happy I woke up fine today. I’m happy to know I still have a few good people who care about me. I’m happy I didn’t lose my temper & I’m still sane. This shock actually gave me a chance to stand up. Today I didn’t bother shedding a tear. I chose to be happy.

1

Eid Mubarak!

moonsighting

 

So its Eid finally! The holy month of Ramadan has finally ended & hopefully the world suffering also ends soon with it.

I’ve spent most of my Eid’s in Dubai (Middle East) where it’s their biggest festival of all times! 16 years of spending Eid there & now in India; there’s a huge difference in the way people celebrate in both places. UAE’s a small country. Not that small, don’t take me wrong but compared to a huge country like India? Yes.

In Dubai, Eid was so beautiful. The holidays, the half days at school, iftaar parties, applying henna on your hands, shopping, sales & so on. The whole month, you couldn’t eat outside until Iftaar i.e. 6/6:30pm.

The 3 day holiday was the best part! All the malls and roads were beautifully lighted for this auspicious festival & everyone would greet each other saying “Eid Mubarak”.
In India, there is a large population of Muslims but you don’t see shops being closed till 6 in the evening cause the place is so diverse.
Dubai is diverse too but their Government is a Monarchy & India has a Democratic Government.

I miss getting boxes of sweets and greeting cards from Dad’s office colleagues who were all mostly Muslims. I miss roaming around and buying new clothes in the decorated malls. I miss going and sitting inside half-shut restaurants & wait to get my takeaway. I miss waking up at 4 cause of the early morning prayer at the Masjid. I miss having fun with my Muslim friends cause they used to get “Eidi” & treat all their friends. I miss the local food during Ramadan and Eid.
I basically miss a lot of things back home.

Being in India, honestly doesn’t feel like Eid at all. Its the same monotonous routine around me. At few places yes restaurants are lighted up, traditional food is being served, mosques and masjid’s being decorated, etc.

Ramadan is a beautiful and holy month where every Muslim man or woman, fast from sunrise till sunset. It is a time to purify the soul, refocus their attention on Allah, practice self-sacrifice, etc but it’s more than that. It is a month of forgiveness. They make peace with those who have wronged them, strengthen their ties with family and friends, leave their bad habits and cleanse their lives, thoughts and feelings for an entire month  from impurities and re-focus one’s self on the worship of God. The Arabic word for “fasting” (sawm) means “to refrain” and it means not only refraining from food and drinks, but also from evil actions, thoughts and words. Fasting is not only a physical thing, but is the total commitment of the person’s body and soul to the spirit of the fast.

I hope everyone’s had a good month of Ramadan, specially all my Muslim friends. Wish all of you a blessed Eid Mubarak ❤ Hope Allah grants you and your familiy with bundles of joy & happiness. Please don’t forget to put in a prayer along with yours for those who have suffered in this holy month of Ramadan. May their souls rest in peace.
Otherwise, have a great & happy holiday everyone!

0

Recovering

It’s been 2 months now that I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the moment my phone will ring with his name or number flashing. I guess that’s why it’s better never to expect anything from anyone, not even yourself.

The major accomplishments I’ve achieved in these days were writing various articles on my blog, reading about a lot of things happening in and around the world, goofing around with friends, University shopping, watching a lot of good and stupid movies and listening to lots & lots of music!

There have been many times he still aimlessly crosses my mind. The thought of how he’s doing back home, what’s he up to and a countless more questions are always left unanswered. The best part of all is I actually forgot how he sounds. Waking up every day to his sleepy voice was my alarm, now it seems so distant since I spared no memory of him around me.

I continue to be close with his best friend. The phase I’m going through may be a vulnerable one but I have control over my emotions to an extent. The fact that the guy I talk to almost all the time roams around with my ex disturbs me a lot but helps me mature and grow over it. It aids in the moving on part in some way. I always thought the patience I hold for my ex to come back and talk to me will one day turn in to hatred soon. Guess that process has started already.

I love being busy doing something or the other. For instance writing or listening to songs. I love reading emotional blogs, the ones about heart breaks or the lack of love. No, I’m not emo. I honestly admire the way other people depict their lives through a social site and words. I started writing just 2 months back to constantly feel better and it really does help.

picture-29

It’s honestly easier said than done when everyone gives their advice on moving on. I’m the most laziest and stubborn girl in this planet. I can take up to a year to move on completely. My mind loves dwelling in the past. Yes it isn’t healthy but someday I’ll move forward. I’m mostly a pessimist but sometimes it’s good to be an optimist and think positive. It’s really hard to cope up but after the rain, there’s always the sun.

The good news is that the nothing lasts forever and the bad news is that nothing lasts forever. Deep quote I know, but very true. Nothing does last forever. When you feel like you’re having a rough day like me, put your hand on your heart and feel your heartbeat. It beats for a purpose. You’re breathing for a reason. Therefore, live.

0

Monologues #5

Sorry was a tad bit late with the weekly Monologues from “Greys Anatomy”!

This comes from Season 7, Episode 15: Golden Hour.

How much can you actually accomplish in an hour? Run an errand maybe, sit in traffic, get an oil change. When you think about it an hour isn’t very long. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. That’s it. In medicine, though, an hour is often everything. We call it the golden hour. That magical window of time that can determine whether a patient lives or dies. an hour, one hour, can change anything forever. an hour can save your life. an hour can change your life. sometimes an hour is a gift we give ourselves. for some, an hour can mean almost nothing. for others, an hour makes all the difference in the world. but in the end, it’s still just an hour. one of many. many more to come. sixty minutes. thirty six hundred seconds. that’s it. then it starts all over again. and who knows what the next hour might hold.

Ellen_Pompeo_in_Greys_Anatomy

2

Go Goa Gone

This story is about a 19 year old girl, that’s me, who travels overnight by road all alone to the amazing land of beaches, Goa to meet someone she never met.

We had never dated but we liked each other almost for a period of 4 months and within that time, I had gathered the courage and guts to travel to his home town in India just to see him for a mere matter of 5 hours. The planning began as he’d come for his vacations to his home town and we had to meet. I admit it was one of the most impulsive & riskiest decisions I had taken in my entire 19 years of living but this idea was also made a month prior to my departure without telling my parents and most of my friends. The good friends knew and had a back-up plan in case my parents would call me and things were under control. I finally journeyed to the small state of Goa on 12th January overnight via bus along with many others from Hyderabad. The next day early morning, he would pick me up at the Panaji bus stop and drop me back by 6PM at the same place again. Yes. I left the same day back home. Crazy much?

Therefore I reached, called him up and asked him to come soon. Hardly 20 minutes later he finally came wearing a black leather jacket and a grey sleeveless top inside with skinny jeans. The nervousness inside me was piling up and reached my throat. I was going to meet someone whom I barely knew a month in HIS turf and I’d travelled half a day just to spend a few quality hours with him. Was I crazy? Not sure.

From quite a distance, he looked absolutely way cuter than the pictures.  He was walking closer and I’d started smiling already. We greeted and hugged for less than a minute and he took me for some amazing breakfast. I gave him his gift which I’d been meaning to since a long time. It was a Ferrari deodorant & a hand-written card. His happiness shone through his eyes and that made me happy in return. Even though it was just 11AM we had some great pasta & coffee and left the place.

With a few hours in hand we planned to make the most of my time there. I was visiting Panaji, Goa after 9 whole years and it felt bloody awesome to be there all alone here with that one special guy. Both of us ended up going for “The Wolf of Wall Street” at Inox (Cinema Hall) and to mention Leonardo Caprio’s acting in that was highly top class. He really deserved an Oscar for that too! The movie went on for a good 2 and half hours and we headed to the nearest beach, Miramar.

TBH, I love beaches. I grew up in a place full of them (Dubai). I love the calm water, the serenity of the waves kissing my feet, walking on the wet sand, looking at the different types of shells and so on. It was already 4:30 by the time we reached that side of the beach. Nearby at a Café Shop, we went and ate some yummy Choco Hola (ice cream with a piece of hot chocolate cake and chocolate sauce). While relishing that, we spoke and laughed so much not realising the time. We proceeded to the beach finally and my heart was sinking walking by the ocean water. We could see couple of dogs running in the water, the beauty of the orange sun and a lot of couples walking by and I managed to find a beautiful shell as a tiny souvenir from Goa. Took pictures, wrote my name on the sand, walked on to one end of Miramar beach and as time passed, it was over. I’d have to leave him in a few hours and go back home. I didn’t know when we’d ever see each other again and the day had decided to end so soon. I silently walked beside him enjoying the quiet moment.

He & I took a rickshaw back to the bus stand and with around 20 minutes in hand I’d wanted to get some famous wine chocolates for my friends back home and also I was in desperate need of a phone charger as mine decided to die the previous night. We bought the things I needed nearby the bus station and walked to find out where my bus was. He called his cousin by then to pick him up and I’d found my bus back to hell. I was holding back my tears and trying not to choke on it as I hugged him a goodbye. He whispered “take care” as he left me to get inside my bus.

The minute I got inside, a tear droplet slid down my cheek. I turned back and saw him sit on the pillion and speed off with his cousin for the last time. Found my designated seat and I sat there covering myself with my bag and the tears came down like a waterfall. The depressing moment of going back home after a wonderful day spent with that someone special was so hard to absorb. The bus started moving within a few minutes and I had a lady passenger beside me whom I did not want to strike any conversation with. Thankfully she left me to peace.

I was in my own world then, kept my Blackberry on charge, messaged few friends including him that I was safe and my journey back home had started. I stared outside at the dark roads of Goa, recalling the last 5 hours I’d spent with him. I felt silly for a minute not believing the fact again that I’d come down here which is 13 hours by road from my place. This trip was unbelievable, one of my favourite adventures! Goa was beautiful indeed. It was called the Las Vegas of India and I was extremely proud of myself because of the way I handled the entire trip without falling in to any trouble.

It’s been 7 months and 5 days today since I saw him & I vividly remember as if it was just yesterday I made the abrupt Goa plan and ran across states to see someone. We’re still close friends now and those 7 months have been one hell of a turbulent ride with him but I’ll always cherish those 5 hours as I see my seashell sitting across me every day reminding me of what a great day I’d spent with someone I’d never met.

Lastly, the one thing I’ve learnt from this journey is that life is really short, so do whatever you were going to do anyway without a care in the world! Do what makes you happy, make mistakes, smile and follow your heart as you won’t get this time once again.