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Monologues #12

Another monologue from Greys! Hope you like it 🙂

Season 10.

Sometimes you just need to get out of town, get a new perspective. But you can’t always see that you need a new perspective because well, you need a new perspective to be able to see that. It’s complicated.
Open your eyes. What do you see? More possibilities? Does your new view give you more hope? That’s the goal. Although, it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes a shift in perspective just makes you see what you’ve lost.

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Liebster Award!

Okay so I’ve been nominated by http://imjustadreamur.wordpress.com/ for the Liebster Award for the first time though and thank you SO MUCH for that! 🙂 I’m extremely sorry it’s TOO late though.

I’m assuming there are the rules:

  1. Post the award on your blog.
  2. Thank the blogger who presented this award and link back to their blog.
  3. Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 11 bloggers who you feel deserve this award and who have less than 200 followers.
  5. Answer 11 questions posted by the presenter and ask your nominees 11 questions.

I’ve technically done 1. and 2. but continuing 2. thank you a lot for nominating me and recognizing my work here! It means a lot to me that someone or anyone takes the time to read my stuff. A thing or two to say bout you, would be that your work is impeccable! It’s so good, simple and natural. Whoever reads this should take their time out to read her out. TBH, it’s worth it.

Okay so now we go to point 3. 11 facts about me? Well there are more than 11 but nevertheless haha!

11 FACTS BOUT MOI

1. I’m a phone addict. I absolutely love my phone. It’s a BlackBerry at present but whatever I do, I should have my phone in my hand at all times. When I’m eating, studying, reading, listening to someone else talk or be it whatever.

2. I’m a very curious person, The minute I hear some news or gossip, I long to know it ASAP. I try out new things just cause everyone’s doing it and then I may move on to some other new thing. So yeah ..

3. I hate falling in to trouble for anything. I love doing shitty stuff but I get a lot of tension when I’m about to get caught. The fear of facing someone screaming at me and stuff literally kills me. This is pretty weird but yeah.

4. I over-think to any extent. I can really waste my entire time thinking what would happen tomorrow and can be immediately be sad about it. The thing may never be possible but it’s already occurred in my brain. Yes.

5. I want to travel to lots of places. I want to see the world. It’s my ultimate dream. I LOVE exploring but that’s not something my parents would let me do. I’ve been to two states in my country (India) illegally without them knowing, so you can imagine how daring I can get just to explore different places hahaha!

6. I under-estimate myself a lot. I feel I cant be better at anything and that I have no skills or qualities. I always wished to be any one else before but I’m getting better at loving who I am and at understanding that to be yourself is the best.

7. I LOVE MUSIC. I can listen to music at any time and any place. Even while studying and concentrating. It calms me down. I don’t have specific genres. I can listen to anything that soothes my mood.

8. I get the worst dreams ever. Seriously. Blood, death, rapes, kidnappings. I freak myself out when I wake up. I wish I knew why I got such dreams but well, it’s a dream.

9. I have issues in saying no to people. I’m always the person who’d do anything for anyone. It’s like the biggest struggle for me. I’m a yes person.

10. I cant express love to my parents. It’s weird. I have quite an amount of Ego & it’s also cause I’m an adopted kid. I can’t really hug them or tell them that I love them. It feels weird. Don’t take me the wrong way, I love them a lot, they know it, but I don’t find it necessary to tell them every other day.

11. I wish to get published on Wikipedia or become famous fr at least a day. I really want that feel for like a while that people know my name and know me cause of something or for something.

OKAY! So finally done with my 11 facts. I could rant more cause I Rant. (geddit?) Hopefully few points do make sense?

So here goes point 4. I’d like to nominate these below mentioned 10 (cause I’m not that famous yet :$) people/bloggers for this award because they’re exceptionally AMAZING and all my readers should seriously check them out.

1. http://youngandtwenty.com/

2. http://writtenobsession.wordpress.com/

3. http://thefickleheartbeat.com/

4. http://imjustadreamur.wordpress.com/

5. http://naomiannbaker.wordpress.com/

6. http://findingjoyindarkness.wordpress.com/

7. http://howtovomitpolitely.wordpress.com/

8. http://edenburnin.wordpress.com/

The next 2 are few of my followers whose blogs I’ve recently read and want all my readers/followers to check out cause they’re a bunch of awesome writers too honestly! 🙂

9. http://jadiebeauty.wordpress.com/

10. http://bullshitwiki.wordpress.com/

Now on to point 5. where I’ll be answering the questions presented to me 🙂

  1. Do you have a middle name? State it. – No I don’t.
  2. Favorite drink and why. – Too many but I choose Mountain Dew cause it’s Neon Green LEL.
  3. Coke or pepsi. – Coke Zero!
  4. If you could change your name what would it be? – Shaista.
  5. Favorite social media site. – Facebook/Twitter.
  6. Least favorite day of the week. – Monday urgh.
  7. Favorite tv show right now. – GREY’s ANATOMY. <333
  8. Favorite person in the world. – I guess my 2 best friends.
  9. When you were a child did you leave Santa milk and cookies? – No, my religion (Hinduism) doesn’t believe in Santa. 😥
  10. Religious? – Kinda yes.
  11. Honest opinion on dandelions. – They’re fluffy and cute and I’ve never seen a real one though.

Here go my 11 questions for those whom I’ve nominated:

1. Full name even if it’s weird?

2. Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

3. Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?

4. What’s your most favourite part of your body?

5. If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?

6. Do you pick at scabs?

7. A relationship with love or one with sex?

8. If you could change your natural hair colour, would you? To what?

9. What is the meanest thing that you have done in your life?

10. What’s your wildest fantasy?

11. Have you ever peed in a pool?

That’s all I guess but make sure you do it!

Thank you and I love you guys 🙂

 

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Shock.

 

If anyone’s been following my blog, you’ll all know that I’m single & in the recovering phase from my last break up.

Basically, this article is about the ‘shock’ I received at 2AM in the morning & I actually don’t know whether that shock makes me stronger or pulls me more into depression.

This break up had already caused a lot of emotional damage but writing, talking to my friends and praying about it helped me a lot in coping up. If you read “Them Feels” and “Waiting” you’ll understand a lot more about my ex.
He chose not to respond or talk to me after he had dumped me & hung me on a thin thread or rather he threw me off a cliff. I was confused and depressed for a long time & here and there the little things around me struggled to keep me sane.

While talking to his best-friend last night, he suddenly mentioned my ex’s girlfriend. My mind was at a whirlpool that second. Girlfriend? What? Where? How? What did I miss?
And I recall exactly a week back when he mentioned to his best-friend that he missed ME, who in turn mentioned it to me.

So there you have it, he had a girlfriend right after 2 months of breaking up with me.
I think I broke down for the next 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes at 2AM. There were hours wasted on him with my tears previously but last night it was just 5 minutes. The good person I thought he was, vanished from my mind. All my confusion about the situation seemed crystal clear. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t dwell any more on his topic. I instantly knew I had to get a grip and move on. All this while I’d wasted time that waits for none on someone who was already happily ever after dating someone else.

I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve prayed for his good health and happiness or to still think “oh I’m the nice girl who cares”. I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve wasted my time & patience on him. I don’t know.
The almost 5 months spent with him were bliss & now it feels like I’ve got sucked into a black hole after he left. Love is kind, love is happiness but love is pain. That searing pain right through your heart. That is love.

Of course, I reiterate the fact; Never expect anything from anyone, but I still couldn’t give up completely on the part that he wouldn’t come back. I thought he’d message me once.

To be honest, I felt like crap only for those 5 minutes and again when I woke up this morning. I’m at least glad I woke up. The distant picture of his face washed over my mind as I walked myself to the wash room. The thought that he’d found someone else when the last thing he’d told me was he always loved me and he’d call me one day. I felt eerily strange and resumed my daily activities not giving a care.

I survived the shock I received last night. I’m happy I didn’t react how I usually did to such things. I’m happy I woke up fine today. I’m happy to know I still have a few good people who care about me. I’m happy I didn’t lose my temper & I’m still sane. This shock actually gave me a chance to stand up. Today I didn’t bother shedding a tear. I chose to be happy.

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Recovering

It’s been 2 months now that I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the moment my phone will ring with his name or number flashing. I guess that’s why it’s better never to expect anything from anyone, not even yourself.

The major accomplishments I’ve achieved in these days were writing various articles on my blog, reading about a lot of things happening in and around the world, goofing around with friends, University shopping, watching a lot of good and stupid movies and listening to lots & lots of music!

There have been many times he still aimlessly crosses my mind. The thought of how he’s doing back home, what’s he up to and a countless more questions are always left unanswered. The best part of all is I actually forgot how he sounds. Waking up every day to his sleepy voice was my alarm, now it seems so distant since I spared no memory of him around me.

I continue to be close with his best friend. The phase I’m going through may be a vulnerable one but I have control over my emotions to an extent. The fact that the guy I talk to almost all the time roams around with my ex disturbs me a lot but helps me mature and grow over it. It aids in the moving on part in some way. I always thought the patience I hold for my ex to come back and talk to me will one day turn in to hatred soon. Guess that process has started already.

I love being busy doing something or the other. For instance writing or listening to songs. I love reading emotional blogs, the ones about heart breaks or the lack of love. No, I’m not emo. I honestly admire the way other people depict their lives through a social site and words. I started writing just 2 months back to constantly feel better and it really does help.

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It’s honestly easier said than done when everyone gives their advice on moving on. I’m the most laziest and stubborn girl in this planet. I can take up to a year to move on completely. My mind loves dwelling in the past. Yes it isn’t healthy but someday I’ll move forward. I’m mostly a pessimist but sometimes it’s good to be an optimist and think positive. It’s really hard to cope up but after the rain, there’s always the sun.

The good news is that the nothing lasts forever and the bad news is that nothing lasts forever. Deep quote I know, but very true. Nothing does last forever. When you feel like you’re having a rough day like me, put your hand on your heart and feel your heartbeat. It beats for a purpose. You’re breathing for a reason. Therefore, live.

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Monologues #6

This week’s Grey’s Anatomy Monologue is from Season 7, Episode 2: “Shock to the System”

 

Lightning doesn’t often strike twice. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes the odds are in your favour. If you’re in just the right place at just the right time you can take a helluva hit. And still have a shot at surviving.

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Monologues #5

Sorry was a tad bit late with the weekly Monologues from “Greys Anatomy”!

This comes from Season 7, Episode 15: Golden Hour.

How much can you actually accomplish in an hour? Run an errand maybe, sit in traffic, get an oil change. When you think about it an hour isn’t very long. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. That’s it. In medicine, though, an hour is often everything. We call it the golden hour. That magical window of time that can determine whether a patient lives or dies. an hour, one hour, can change anything forever. an hour can save your life. an hour can change your life. sometimes an hour is a gift we give ourselves. for some, an hour can mean almost nothing. for others, an hour makes all the difference in the world. but in the end, it’s still just an hour. one of many. many more to come. sixty minutes. thirty six hundred seconds. that’s it. then it starts all over again. and who knows what the next hour might hold.

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Go Goa Gone

This story is about a 19 year old girl, that’s me, who travels overnight by road all alone to the amazing land of beaches, Goa to meet someone she never met.

We had never dated but we liked each other almost for a period of 4 months and within that time, I had gathered the courage and guts to travel to his home town in India just to see him for a mere matter of 5 hours. The planning began as he’d come for his vacations to his home town and we had to meet. I admit it was one of the most impulsive & riskiest decisions I had taken in my entire 19 years of living but this idea was also made a month prior to my departure without telling my parents and most of my friends. The good friends knew and had a back-up plan in case my parents would call me and things were under control. I finally journeyed to the small state of Goa on 12th January overnight via bus along with many others from Hyderabad. The next day early morning, he would pick me up at the Panaji bus stop and drop me back by 6PM at the same place again. Yes. I left the same day back home. Crazy much?

Therefore I reached, called him up and asked him to come soon. Hardly 20 minutes later he finally came wearing a black leather jacket and a grey sleeveless top inside with skinny jeans. The nervousness inside me was piling up and reached my throat. I was going to meet someone whom I barely knew a month in HIS turf and I’d travelled half a day just to spend a few quality hours with him. Was I crazy? Not sure.

From quite a distance, he looked absolutely way cuter than the pictures.  He was walking closer and I’d started smiling already. We greeted and hugged for less than a minute and he took me for some amazing breakfast. I gave him his gift which I’d been meaning to since a long time. It was a Ferrari deodorant & a hand-written card. His happiness shone through his eyes and that made me happy in return. Even though it was just 11AM we had some great pasta & coffee and left the place.

With a few hours in hand we planned to make the most of my time there. I was visiting Panaji, Goa after 9 whole years and it felt bloody awesome to be there all alone here with that one special guy. Both of us ended up going for “The Wolf of Wall Street” at Inox (Cinema Hall) and to mention Leonardo Caprio’s acting in that was highly top class. He really deserved an Oscar for that too! The movie went on for a good 2 and half hours and we headed to the nearest beach, Miramar.

TBH, I love beaches. I grew up in a place full of them (Dubai). I love the calm water, the serenity of the waves kissing my feet, walking on the wet sand, looking at the different types of shells and so on. It was already 4:30 by the time we reached that side of the beach. Nearby at a Café Shop, we went and ate some yummy Choco Hola (ice cream with a piece of hot chocolate cake and chocolate sauce). While relishing that, we spoke and laughed so much not realising the time. We proceeded to the beach finally and my heart was sinking walking by the ocean water. We could see couple of dogs running in the water, the beauty of the orange sun and a lot of couples walking by and I managed to find a beautiful shell as a tiny souvenir from Goa. Took pictures, wrote my name on the sand, walked on to one end of Miramar beach and as time passed, it was over. I’d have to leave him in a few hours and go back home. I didn’t know when we’d ever see each other again and the day had decided to end so soon. I silently walked beside him enjoying the quiet moment.

He & I took a rickshaw back to the bus stand and with around 20 minutes in hand I’d wanted to get some famous wine chocolates for my friends back home and also I was in desperate need of a phone charger as mine decided to die the previous night. We bought the things I needed nearby the bus station and walked to find out where my bus was. He called his cousin by then to pick him up and I’d found my bus back to hell. I was holding back my tears and trying not to choke on it as I hugged him a goodbye. He whispered “take care” as he left me to get inside my bus.

The minute I got inside, a tear droplet slid down my cheek. I turned back and saw him sit on the pillion and speed off with his cousin for the last time. Found my designated seat and I sat there covering myself with my bag and the tears came down like a waterfall. The depressing moment of going back home after a wonderful day spent with that someone special was so hard to absorb. The bus started moving within a few minutes and I had a lady passenger beside me whom I did not want to strike any conversation with. Thankfully she left me to peace.

I was in my own world then, kept my Blackberry on charge, messaged few friends including him that I was safe and my journey back home had started. I stared outside at the dark roads of Goa, recalling the last 5 hours I’d spent with him. I felt silly for a minute not believing the fact again that I’d come down here which is 13 hours by road from my place. This trip was unbelievable, one of my favourite adventures! Goa was beautiful indeed. It was called the Las Vegas of India and I was extremely proud of myself because of the way I handled the entire trip without falling in to any trouble.

It’s been 7 months and 5 days today since I saw him & I vividly remember as if it was just yesterday I made the abrupt Goa plan and ran across states to see someone. We’re still close friends now and those 7 months have been one hell of a turbulent ride with him but I’ll always cherish those 5 hours as I see my seashell sitting across me every day reminding me of what a great day I’d spent with someone I’d never met.

Lastly, the one thing I’ve learnt from this journey is that life is really short, so do whatever you were going to do anyway without a care in the world! Do what makes you happy, make mistakes, smile and follow your heart as you won’t get this time once again.