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Shock.

 

If anyone’s been following my blog, you’ll all know that I’m single & in the recovering phase from my last break up.

Basically, this article is about the ‘shock’ I received at 2AM in the morning & I actually don’t know whether that shock makes me stronger or pulls me more into depression.

This break up had already caused a lot of emotional damage but writing, talking to my friends and praying about it helped me a lot in coping up. If you read “Them Feels” and “Waiting” you’ll understand a lot more about my ex.
He chose not to respond or talk to me after he had dumped me & hung me on a thin thread or rather he threw me off a cliff. I was confused and depressed for a long time & here and there the little things around me struggled to keep me sane.

While talking to his best-friend last night, he suddenly mentioned my ex’s girlfriend. My mind was at a whirlpool that second. Girlfriend? What? Where? How? What did I miss?
And I recall exactly a week back when he mentioned to his best-friend that he missed ME, who in turn mentioned it to me.

So there you have it, he had a girlfriend right after 2 months of breaking up with me.
I think I broke down for the next 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes at 2AM. There were hours wasted on him with my tears previously but last night it was just 5 minutes. The good person I thought he was, vanished from my mind. All my confusion about the situation seemed crystal clear. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t dwell any more on his topic. I instantly knew I had to get a grip and move on. All this while I’d wasted time that waits for none on someone who was already happily ever after dating someone else.

I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve prayed for his good health and happiness or to still think “oh I’m the nice girl who cares”. I don’t know whether to regret all the times I’ve wasted my time & patience on him. I don’t know.
The almost 5 months spent with him were bliss & now it feels like I’ve got sucked into a black hole after he left. Love is kind, love is happiness but love is pain. That searing pain right through your heart. That is love.

Of course, I reiterate the fact; Never expect anything from anyone, but I still couldn’t give up completely on the part that he wouldn’t come back. I thought he’d message me once.

To be honest, I felt like crap only for those 5 minutes and again when I woke up this morning. I’m at least glad I woke up. The distant picture of his face washed over my mind as I walked myself to the wash room. The thought that he’d found someone else when the last thing he’d told me was he always loved me and he’d call me one day. I felt eerily strange and resumed my daily activities not giving a care.

I survived the shock I received last night. I’m happy I didn’t react how I usually did to such things. I’m happy I woke up fine today. I’m happy to know I still have a few good people who care about me. I’m happy I didn’t lose my temper & I’m still sane. This shock actually gave me a chance to stand up. Today I didn’t bother shedding a tear. I chose to be happy.

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Eid Mubarak!

moonsighting

 

So its Eid finally! The holy month of Ramadan has finally ended & hopefully the world suffering also ends soon with it.

I’ve spent most of my Eid’s in Dubai (Middle East) where it’s their biggest festival of all times! 16 years of spending Eid there & now in India; there’s a huge difference in the way people celebrate in both places. UAE’s a small country. Not that small, don’t take me wrong but compared to a huge country like India? Yes.

In Dubai, Eid was so beautiful. The holidays, the half days at school, iftaar parties, applying henna on your hands, shopping, sales & so on. The whole month, you couldn’t eat outside until Iftaar i.e. 6/6:30pm.

The 3 day holiday was the best part! All the malls and roads were beautifully lighted for this auspicious festival & everyone would greet each other saying “Eid Mubarak”.
In India, there is a large population of Muslims but you don’t see shops being closed till 6 in the evening cause the place is so diverse.
Dubai is diverse too but their Government is a Monarchy & India has a Democratic Government.

I miss getting boxes of sweets and greeting cards from Dad’s office colleagues who were all mostly Muslims. I miss roaming around and buying new clothes in the decorated malls. I miss going and sitting inside half-shut restaurants & wait to get my takeaway. I miss waking up at 4 cause of the early morning prayer at the Masjid. I miss having fun with my Muslim friends cause they used to get “Eidi” & treat all their friends. I miss the local food during Ramadan and Eid.
I basically miss a lot of things back home.

Being in India, honestly doesn’t feel like Eid at all. Its the same monotonous routine around me. At few places yes restaurants are lighted up, traditional food is being served, mosques and masjid’s being decorated, etc.

Ramadan is a beautiful and holy month where every Muslim man or woman, fast from sunrise till sunset. It is a time to purify the soul, refocus their attention on Allah, practice self-sacrifice, etc but it’s more than that. It is a month of forgiveness. They make peace with those who have wronged them, strengthen their ties with family and friends, leave their bad habits and cleanse their lives, thoughts and feelings for an entire month  from impurities and re-focus one’s self on the worship of God. The Arabic word for “fasting” (sawm) means “to refrain” and it means not only refraining from food and drinks, but also from evil actions, thoughts and words. Fasting is not only a physical thing, but is the total commitment of the person’s body and soul to the spirit of the fast.

I hope everyone’s had a good month of Ramadan, specially all my Muslim friends. Wish all of you a blessed Eid Mubarak ❤ Hope Allah grants you and your familiy with bundles of joy & happiness. Please don’t forget to put in a prayer along with yours for those who have suffered in this holy month of Ramadan. May their souls rest in peace.
Otherwise, have a great & happy holiday everyone!

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Recovering

It’s been 2 months now that I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the moment my phone will ring with his name or number flashing. I guess that’s why it’s better never to expect anything from anyone, not even yourself.

The major accomplishments I’ve achieved in these days were writing various articles on my blog, reading about a lot of things happening in and around the world, goofing around with friends, University shopping, watching a lot of good and stupid movies and listening to lots & lots of music!

There have been many times he still aimlessly crosses my mind. The thought of how he’s doing back home, what’s he up to and a countless more questions are always left unanswered. The best part of all is I actually forgot how he sounds. Waking up every day to his sleepy voice was my alarm, now it seems so distant since I spared no memory of him around me.

I continue to be close with his best friend. The phase I’m going through may be a vulnerable one but I have control over my emotions to an extent. The fact that the guy I talk to almost all the time roams around with my ex disturbs me a lot but helps me mature and grow over it. It aids in the moving on part in some way. I always thought the patience I hold for my ex to come back and talk to me will one day turn in to hatred soon. Guess that process has started already.

I love being busy doing something or the other. For instance writing or listening to songs. I love reading emotional blogs, the ones about heart breaks or the lack of love. No, I’m not emo. I honestly admire the way other people depict their lives through a social site and words. I started writing just 2 months back to constantly feel better and it really does help.

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It’s honestly easier said than done when everyone gives their advice on moving on. I’m the most laziest and stubborn girl in this planet. I can take up to a year to move on completely. My mind loves dwelling in the past. Yes it isn’t healthy but someday I’ll move forward. I’m mostly a pessimist but sometimes it’s good to be an optimist and think positive. It’s really hard to cope up but after the rain, there’s always the sun.

The good news is that the nothing lasts forever and the bad news is that nothing lasts forever. Deep quote I know, but very true. Nothing does last forever. When you feel like you’re having a rough day like me, put your hand on your heart and feel your heartbeat. It beats for a purpose. You’re breathing for a reason. Therefore, live.

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Monologues #6

This week’s Grey’s Anatomy Monologue is from Season 7, Episode 2: “Shock to the System”

 

Lightning doesn’t often strike twice. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes the odds are in your favour. If you’re in just the right place at just the right time you can take a helluva hit. And still have a shot at surviving.

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18 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy And Introverted

THIS IS SO ME ❤ Loved reading this!

Thought Catalog

This… this is my soul song, people. This is my Vietnam.

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it…

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Monologues #5

Sorry was a tad bit late with the weekly Monologues from “Greys Anatomy”!

This comes from Season 7, Episode 15: Golden Hour.

How much can you actually accomplish in an hour? Run an errand maybe, sit in traffic, get an oil change. When you think about it an hour isn’t very long. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. That’s it. In medicine, though, an hour is often everything. We call it the golden hour. That magical window of time that can determine whether a patient lives or dies. an hour, one hour, can change anything forever. an hour can save your life. an hour can change your life. sometimes an hour is a gift we give ourselves. for some, an hour can mean almost nothing. for others, an hour makes all the difference in the world. but in the end, it’s still just an hour. one of many. many more to come. sixty minutes. thirty six hundred seconds. that’s it. then it starts all over again. and who knows what the next hour might hold.

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