Miracles happen? Let’s see how mine turned up.
Since a long time now, I would pray sincerely every day for at least 10 minutes. Thanking the lord for everything, the joy and the pain and whatever he thought was good for me. Even though the fights between me and him (who I was dating at that point) would get a little worse, I’d pray for everyone’s happiness and health. I’d sit and talk to God whenever I wanted. I finally felt like there was someone to listen to all the crap I go through every day. Sadly, after 4 months of continuous praying, it suddenly came to a standstill.
I stopped praying. For 48 entire hours, I didn’t bother to get up and contemplate about something I stopped believing in. I didn’t want to. The tears made me sightless and almost soulless. I’d never found anything harder to cope back to normalcy.
Till the confusing way I’d been dumped, I’d prayed once a day. It didn’t have to be where the idols where at home. I could pray anywhere at any place and someone above me would listen as I also don’t believe in praying to someone in particular.
But the day I stopped, I was infuriated. What I believed in everyday and every time, nothing came true. I’m an impatient girl. But 4 months isn’t too short, not for me. As angry as I ever was, I promised myself I wouldn’t go pray until the situation got better. Pretty immature you may think, right?
Yet, I’d succeeded day one by just crying to myself. I didn’t even want to be the hypocrite by uttering “Oh my God!” and I had achieved that undertaking too. This went on to day two. I didn’t make time to pray on purpose. I didn’t know why but I felt a little odd without talking to someone, including God. Don’t take me wrong, I am not a spiritual human being, I don’t spend time at temples and chant something all the time. I have a mantra and I say it when needed. I managed to stop myself from wailing that night which was an achievement though!
Then came the third day when my mother had stepped out for some daily needs and believe it or not, when I’m home alone I tend to over think more than the usual. I start talking and asking questions to myself, contemplating facts and realities. Thinking about why I was again who played the victim’s role in this relationship, why do I always suffer from damage, why was I so weak, why did I trust him with my life and endless more questions, tears formed in my eyelids. I ultimately went and sat in front of the small temple at home and flooded with the rest of my tears. I just cried and the idols merely stared back at me. I sobbed and asked why everything I had believed in was a lie? Why was life unfair to me? Why me? I could go on.
I strongly believe that whatever happens, it happens for a reason which only the lord knows. I couldn’t know the answer because that would be my end. I truly thought this guy was the last reason to all my questions and all my past mistakes had led me to him. I genuinely felt that from within but he abandoned me with the silliest of reasons. I had no cause to believe anything else after that. I chose not to but with those sobs, I prayed that day sincerely wishing God would listen to me somehow and get me back my happy days.
Since after two days of my breakdown, I hadn’t gone anywhere, I had no energy or liveliness to get up and move an inch forward. I was stuck to my irrational questions and my miserable history but after I’d prayed, the same third day I was to go meet one of my closest friends as it was her birthday treat at Mc Donald’s and I was getting ready for the same. I was furiously thinking how I would plaster a smile on my face with a band aid on my heart though a few minutes later, my phone rang out loud. Thinking it would be one of my other girlfriends checking up on how I was doing, I was stunned more than excited as it was a very good friend whom I’d not had a conversation since the last 4-5 months! He’d called me to inform that he was in town for a month and a half and wanted to catch up with me. The conversation went on for more than ten minutes and I had the genuine smile back on my face. The walls could hear my lost laughter after two days…
I smiled looking at the ceiling and at that moment, I knew.